32 weeks

How far along? 32 weeks
Weight gain/loss: 15
Sleep? 1 hour to get comfortable, and about 1 1/2 of sleep before i have to get up to go to the bathroom again...
Best moment this week? sleeping for about 4 hours straight last night!!
Movement: more at night
Food cravings: chicken salad
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? the girls and being able to bend down to get something without grunting
What I am looking forward to? our growth scan tomorrow to see how big lily is getting!
Milestones: i'm in uncharted territory for me. never been this far in a pregnancy before..
What I'm nervous about: delivery. it seems so surreal that it could actually be 2 months away!

28 week anxiety

How far along? 28 weeks
Weight gain/loss: about 8 lbs
Sleep? about 3 hours at a time...I told Dave the other day that I was jealous that he can still sleep 8 hours straight
Best moment this week? laying in bed on sunday with dave, watching the baby "dance" in my belly
Movement: yes
Food cravings: peas (weird, I know!)
Belly button in or out? in
What I miss? the girls and being able to bend down to get something without grunting
What I am looking forward to? christmas to be over (sad I know)
Milestones: 28 weeks...almost to where I was before...also passed my glucose test with flying colors.
What I'm nervous about:going to my appointment this week.

With the twins, I went to my 28 week appointment on a wednesday and had a great growth scan. The next day, I had an appointment at my allergist's office and my blood pressure was sky high. I went back to the OB's office and got sent home to do a 24 hour urine and rest and to come back on Monday to be checked. That monday was the worst day of my life. I never knew that that thursday was the last time I would hear my baby twins' heartbeats. Tomorrow is my 28 week appointment. Anxiety has taken over me...

Halfway there

How far along? 20 weeks
Weight gain/loss: about 2 pounds
Sleep? not much lately...
Best moment this week? feeling the baby move at night when i'm laying in bed
Movement: yes
Food cravings: nothing really this week
Belly button in or out? in and hopefully it will stay that way for awhile
What I miss? the girls
What I am looking forward to? my appointment on friday
Milestones: halfway there!!!
What I'm nervous about:getting to 29 weeks....

Right from the heart

"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother"

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."

-Unknown 

Bittersweetness

How far along? 12 weeks, 6 days
Weight gain/loss: no change thus far
Sleep? getting better, some nights are better than others
Best moment this week? hearing the baby's heartrate on the doppler
Movement: not yet
Food cravings: candy
Belly button in or out? in and hopefully it will stay that way for awhile
What I miss? the girls
What I am looking forward to? my appointment on thursday
Milestones: done with the first trimester!!
What I'm nervous about:everything

A new start

When I found out we were pregnant again, I had lots of mixed feelings. I felt guilty. Guilty that I was pregnant because if the girls were with us today, we would have our hands full and not even be thinking of having a baby, this baby. I was and still am a nervous wreck. I walk around every day thinking that the same thing is going to happen to us again. That we will be happy and everything will be fine for 7 or 8 months and I will get robbed again. Its hard to believe, believe that my body will know what to do correctly this time, believe that this will be our "take home" baby, believe that this wont happen to us again. I can tell Dave is nervous. He wont let me go to the doctors without him. When I found out the girls were no longer alive inside me, I was alone, it was one of the only appointments I had gone to alone, it was the worst day ever.

But I need to believe. I need to believe that my body can do things correctly this time. I have to have faith. But where do I find this faith? How do you believe again?

Stats

How far along? 11 weeks and 3 days
Weight gain/loss: no change thus far
Sleep? I have trouble sleeping. I can't stop worrying
Best moment this week? going in for an extra ultrasound just for reassurance and seeing the baby jump around
Movement: not yet
Food cravings: nothing special
Belly button in or out? in and hopefully it will stay that way for awhile
What I miss? the girls
What I am looking forward to? going for our ultrasound next wednesday
Milestones: I cannot wait to be done with the first trimester!!
What I'm nervous about:everything